We need each other.

“Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts. Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; for, indeed, that’s all who ever have.”- Margaret Mead

The story goes that a student asked anthropologist Margaret Mead “What was the first indication of civilization?” Expecting an answer of pottery or fishhooks, Mead allegedly stated it was a healed femur of a 15,000-year-old person, for in the “wild” if an animal broke a major bone like a femur they couldn’t hunt or gather and would therefor perish. The healed femur indicates that this person was helped and healed, alas the first indication of society’s advance and a notable need for connection to survive.

This story is a good reminder that today, just as thousands of years ago, we need each other to survive, and not just in a sense of labor, care, or physical protection, but we need each other in a deep-rooted requirement for emotional and mental connection.

As Doc Shauna Springer says, “We connect, and we survive”, and this is true not just for military, veterans, first responders, etc. But for all of us. We are social creatures, we need each other.

Although, we are more connected than ever before or perhaps I should say we can connect now more than ever; with internet, smart phones, e-mails, video calls, and countless applications to keep us in each other’s ears, eyes, and minds...the studies tell us we are lonelier than ever, and the studies also tell us that a healthy social support network may be one of the best longevity secrets.

The internet is great to connect people from around the globe, but it may miss the mark, and not give us that special release of bonding chemical (dopamine/oxytocin) that face-to-face interaction brings, but as it is...it is better then nothing. The struggle of trying to find this connection through “social media” is tough and can often be counterproductive as we look at highlight reels of people’s lives which could lead to the self-deception that everything is fine and dandy in everyone’s life except mine.

So, how do we find that deep seated connection?

Perhaps it lies in the other pillars of “purpose, challenge, empathy”?

Purpose- When we are bonded together in a singleness of purpose, we tend to

get pushed together in bonds that are normally more difficult without a common goal.

Challenge- Have you ever been through some heavy stuff with some people? You ever forget those people? Didn’t think so...we tend to bond through common struggle, and common solutions. We don’t have to wait for a challenge to present itself. We can create this.

Empathy- A different pillar, unlike “Connection, Purpose, Challenge”. It is more a byproduct quality of them and an essential ingredient to make it all work. The ability of perspective taking, of being able to accurately imagine the experience of another, to relate on a deep level. This may come out of shared experience, challenge, purpose, and be the glue that holds us all together.

Written by: Chris Norris